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So, my husband and I have never really argued. We talked a bit about this on our platform, "WynnAtLove," where we coach Black Christian women to date for marriage. But I want to dive deeper here and share some lessons that might help you prepare to be a godly, hypergamous wife.
First off, let's clarify what I mean by arguing. For me, arguing is about manipulation and pride, not just simple disagreements. My husband and I have definitely had disagreements—I'm not a pushover or a doormat, and we're not the same person. But we've never had those heated, back-and-forth, yelling matches. That's what I mean when I say we've never argued.
When people argue like that, it often comes from a place of trying to change the other person's mind or perspective, which is a form of manipulation. It also stems from pride because both people are fighting to be right rather than righteous. Arguing like that shows a lack of humility.
So, why haven't we argued? It boils down to clear expectations. Ladies, don't leave your happiness to chance. When my husband and I were dating and courting, we laid everything out on the table. We discussed expectations around lifestyle, finances, gender roles, sex, and more. Too many women are afraid to voice their desires because they don't want to scare the guy away. But remember, you're the prize! Don't be afraid to say what you want. If he can't accept it, then he's not the right one for you.
For example, I decided in my mid-twenties that I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife. I paid a big girl bill once and realized it wasn't for me. I prefer focusing on other aspects of life. So, my husband and I set clear expectations about our roles. Masculine men are generally wired to pursue, provide, and protect, while feminine women are wired to nurture and receive. If you don't understand this and end up in a 50/50 relationship where you're both trying to do each other's jobs, it can lead to unnecessary arguments and unhappiness.
That's why I encourage hypergamy—fewer arguments and less stress. One of the leading causes of divorce is finances. When you marry a man who can provide, you're free to embrace your femininity without worrying about financial burdens. So, if your husband is doing his part by providing and protecting, what is there to argue about? Trivial things like leaving the toilet seat up? If that wasn't part of your agreed-upon expectations, then it's not worth arguing over.
The key is clear expectations and communication. You and your partner are a team, so work together to find solutions. This requires emotional intelligence. Many women bypass their emotions and try to reason them away, instead of being honest with themselves and their partners about how they feel. It's better to communicate your feelings, whether it's feeling undervalued or needing more affection, rather than blaming your partner.
For example, if I need affection, I don't hesitate to ask for it. I go up to my husband for kisses and cuddles. I'm not shy about expressing my needs. If I want something, I just make it known. My husband is great at meeting those needs because we've established clear expectations from the start.
So, whether you're dating or just preparing for a future relationship, practice healthy communication. Be open about your needs and don't be ashamed of them. If you struggle with this, consider therapy to work through any past trauma. It's important to come into a marriage with healthy communication skills to increase your chances of a happy, successful relationship.
That's all I have to say for now. Let me know your thoughts, and I'll talk to you later. Bye!
