Have you ever been there before? 🥲
"So how do you like it?"
It was a sunny Saturday morning and I was invited on a coffee date by a young gentleman I've been seeing. We've only been talking for a couple of weeks but girl can I be honest? I think I'm starting to catch feelings. 😩
And I promised myself I wouldn't. I promised myself that this time would be different. I promised myself that I would follow the formula.
I really like him. I didn't even know God made men like this. He's so kind, compassionate, patient, and generous.
And did I mention handsome? Oh my goodness I could just melt in his deep, brown eyes. I try to avoid eye contact to keep myself from being mesmerized by his presence. But then sometimes I catch myself staring at his tall, muscular frame when he's not looking.
On the outside, I seem very composed as I hold myself together, but I'm freaking out on the inside.
As I sit across from him in this hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, I become engulfed by the wonderful smell of coffee. The soft jazz music playing in the background creates a romantic atmosphere.
I accidentally lock eyes with him and become rigid in my seat. My eyes drift down to his full lips and my mouth began to salivate.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?" I was knocked back into reality. "I'm sorry. What were you asking about?"
He playfully smirked and said, "How do you want it? Your coffee?"
"Oh! I'm sorry. Decaf for me, please." I responded sheepishly.
I play off the initial awkwardness as the date continues. We laugh, we gist, and overall had an amazing time. When it was time to go, he walked me to my car which happened to be in a secluded area behind the coffee shop.
As I fumbled with my keys in my purse, he suddenly becomes quiet. I feel him staring at me while I occupy myself trying to find my keys. He stops me and takes my hands and places them around his neck as he pulls me in by the waist. My heart is thumping as he whispers, "Did you have a good time?"
I stifle my anxiety and confidently reply, "I did! Thanks so much for inviting me." I stare up at him not knowing what to do next.
He then leans in and tenderly kisses me... on the forehead. I just stood there as I felt the warmth of his soft lips and the bushiness of his full beard on my face.
"That's good," he murmurs, "I'm so glad I got to see you today."
I felt like the breath was knocked right out of me. I really enjoy seeing this guy and I do believe that we can make this work.
...But. I'm afraid of the chemistry we have and dare I say it-- the sexual tension between us. It's so hard to admit this because I have this fear of sex and I was told that anything related to it was bad. So is it bad I feel this way? Do I need deliverance? Will God punish me or not allow me to get married until I prove my self-control by being celibate for x number of years? I'm so confused about how to master my celibacy journey! 😩
Woy! This was a juicy one (and completely fabricated btw 😜), but the story is still one I believe most of us can relate to.
Are you struggling in your celibacy journey or don't know where to start? Well this week's video is just for you! We're talking all about how to master your celibacy/abstinecy journey as a godly feminine woman ✨
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